marriage, parents, prejudices

During my adolescence, which was a very sensitive time, I sent my mom away with cancer.

As much as my mother’s vacancy, my father did his best to raise us without any shortage, and my brothers and I grew up well, so we went to good schools and became decent people.

During the process, my father met a good person and remarried, and my mother now is not just the one who gave birth to me, but my mother. I’ve been laughing and crying with my mom for quite a long time, and now I spend much longer time with my new mom than I did with my real mother when I got older.

When he said he was getting remarried, I wanted his happiness, but on the other hand, I was so happy that I didn’t have to tell him I didn’t have a mother anymore. Our society, which likes to ask about personal matters, often asked, “What are your parents doing?” And for whatever reason, I hated the other person’s eyes changing and the atmosphere that became subtle.

It was sad for my family not to have a mother, but I didn’t think it would be something to be looked at. But at some point society has been overwriting the title of daughter of a single-parent family, daughter of a broken family.

I was pretty upset about this situation. It’s sad that my mother passed away early, but unfortunately from that moment on, society treats me as a lacking human being.

When I was a student, if I couldn’t write my mother’s name in my parents’ column, I had to consult with my homeroom teacher at the beginning of each grade, and I had to be interrogated about the cause of my mother’s death. Why is the reason for her death curious to teachers? Does knowing how he passed away help me go to school and my grades? Regardless of that, I studied well and did well in school.

This was something that not only I but also my younger siblings had to go through. No matter how much we say we’re not a poor family, the conventional wisdom of society is that we’re children of single-parent families, and no matter how well our fathers take care of us and raise us, we’re children of broken families.

Actually, my dad could have been the most upset. He tried his best not to create a vacancy for his mother, and he must have been fighting this violent prejudice.

My house, which was so repressed as a single-parent family, seemed to be becoming a common family that society demanded with my father’s remarriage. After I became an adult, I didn’t have to talk about my late mother.

It was because of marriage that I had to bring up the story of my late mother again.

I wondered if I should reveal it, but I told my husband that my mother passed away early because I thought, “If you’re going to be a couple, shouldn’t there be no secrets?”

I only talked to him, but he told his in-laws about it. Of course, I didn’t tell my husband, ‘It’s a secret, so keep it to yourself,’ so I wonder if it’s a problem that I told my in-laws, but I’ve been fighting this prejudice for a long time since I was a child, so I wasn’t happy that they knew about it.

And finally, four months passed. My mother-in-law told me at the reception after my honeymoon. Since my mom hasn’t been here, let’s consider herself a mother and get along well.

I have a mom. Now I have a mother-in-law who’s been living with me for a much longer time than I’ve just met. I know you mean to get along, but why all of a sudden you’re making me a motherless.

I was so angry that I almost cried.

My in-laws found out that my mother died of cancer and told me this. Get a cancer check-up every day. Oh… I know very well that I have a family history even if you don’t have to pick it up. It’s my health, so I’ll take care of it.

I should’ve just been saying nothing to my husband. But if you don’t tell me, there’s a person called a fraudulent marriage. LOL (I’ve cut out)

Often, the single mother’s only son’s seat is a lot of trouble, it’s hard because there are two parents’ seats to take care of when married to a divorced child, and there are people who say things that can be very violent when the person hears them.

When asked if those stories are based, they are generalized, saying, “I’ve met someone like that, and I’ve developed such prejudice. I’m sure there were some people like that. So the children of both parents’ families are perfect, no question, no question? I don’t think so. What about a man who beats his wife, and his children who grow up watching him unable to break up because of their children? What about the children whose fathers ruined their businesses and were chased by debtors? What about the children who were raised by their parents who were just keeping their papers? Did they grow up bright and well without shortage because one parent’s position was empty? Well, if I check like this, it’ll be endless.

It is ridiculous that how many forms of life people live, “whether married parents are living well without any problems,” becomes a tool to check their children’s values.

No matter what ups and downs in parents’ lives affect their children’s lives, everyone accepted them in their own way and their children have lived hard there. Rather, he would have become a stronger and stronger person by fighting against social prejudice, and he would have grown into a person who could look into the other person’s wounds because he hurt his mind because of some insensitive people.

I hope my children will be able to connect with people whose parents are healthy and who have grown up in a harmonious family without shortage or spotless family. If you are a parent, I think you can have this thought when your child is about to get married.

But whether it’s a divorced family, a bereavement for unavoidable reasons, or a remarried family, the violent gaze of classifying a person with this type of family as a “defendant” must be corrected. I think they use the term “single parent” as a single parent, but I’m not sure if the perception has changed a bit has changed.

Now the family forms have become too diverse, and the perception of marriage and the way of life has become very diverse. This kind of society has changed over time, but it’s probably a society that’s changed over time. In this changed society, I hope you don’t hurt others with outdated prejudice. They’re grown-ups and independent people who can take care of themselves to keep up with their parents’ lives.