Conversation, daily life, relative
When is the situation or environment in which we have the most conversations from birth to death? Isn’t that a routine? In the future, I will write about the characteristics of conversations in meetings, interviews, interviews, lectures, etc., and how to do well in the process, but in fact, it should be based on the “speak well and listen well,” which I wrote last week.
But the area where we can’t speak and listen well is usually “daily.” Meetings, interviews, interviews, lectures, etc. usually have a certain purpose or agenda, so people are somewhat nervous, talk well, and try to listen well. But in everyday life, we usually talk without a specific purpose or agenda, and people are relaxed accordingly. Thus, in terms of dialogue, the person’s inclination is in fact most starkly manifested in everyday conversation.
Therefore, it is most helpful to listen to feedback from people who can meet with you most often and speak straight to understand what trends you have in conversation and what aspects you need to supplement. At that time, it is better to get feedback from “people who can speak up” than “friends,” because close people can be less sensitive to their opponents’ language habits. It is necessary to receive such feedback at least once, as such language habits may unconsciously come from public places.
Some of the companies have already designed the interview differently, considering this point more than a decade ago. The hours-long debate-based interviews, and the two-day-long variety of interviews, actually evaluate the interviewers’ knowledge and abilities, but beyond that, they go so far as to assess what they look like when they are relaxed.
In the case of the company I went to, I had an interview for a new employee for 1 night and 2 days, but when I left the company, I asked my senior at HR if there was anything negative about me in the interview screening process, and he said, “If you have a sudden situation, you’ll be a little bit arbitrary.” When I heard that, I remembered when it was. When the assignment was suddenly given to see how to respond to an urgent situation, I suddenly got up and dragged out of the meeting, thinking that I had to solve the task in time. And juniors who went to the interviewer’s office when they were in their second year were asked to write down their behaviors and words specifically if there were interviewers who were different from those in the interview room when they had casual conversations outside the interview room.
Companies even evaluate these points because the company becomes the daily life of its members, and in its daily lives, personality and inclination are important as well as the ability of the person.
The point at which everyday conversations are most clearly distinguished from conversations in other areas or situations is that ‘emotion’ and ‘emotion’ are more important than ‘reason’ and ‘analysis’ and ‘reasonability’. Come to think of it, how often do we talk to family, friends, or acquaintances in our daily lives to do and analyze something? For people, daily life should be ‘rest’. And in our daily lives, our conversations should provide a cleanup that releases stress from other relationships and areas. That is why daily conversations should focus on empathy rather than listening to and analyzing the other person’s words.
Of course, this, too, may vary depending on the situation and context of the opponent. There are also daily conversations asking for really rational advice. But in that case, people usually ask for advice on specific actions, ‘No, so what should I do?’ It’s not like that, it’s like, “Is this possible?As in the case of a question asking the other person’s thoughts or opinions, it is usually a different expression of “Now, empathize with me.” We need to distinguish these two things well in everyday conversations, and if a person you like or care about asks questions in the latter way, we need to empathize and be on the other’s side regardless of what you actually think. If you want to talk about other aspects of him, it’s better to say it after waiting for the right timing and time.
However, Koreans tend to not listen well and only try to speak their own language rather than sympathize with or give advice to others in everyday conversations. And the closer they are, the more they make personal blasphemy jokes on the premise that “I’ll understand even if I say this” or that they are comfortable. Is that all? There are people who react reflexively when they listen to others based on my experience and understanding. They react like that because they are too firm in their own thoughts and fear of being wrong in even the smallest things. Differences may not be necessarily correct, and those who say and listen to them are often mistaken.
We should try to understand what kind of growth environment the other person has grown up in, what emotional changes have been made, and what context and situation they are talking about. This is because what A says and B does may have completely different meanings depending on the context and the situation of the two.
Some may say, ‘How do you make every conversation so tiring in your daily life?’ But making such an effort doesn’t require much energy than you think, and if you have a habit of listening to it like that, you get used to listening to the other person in that way. The reason we can’t do that is because we don’t try to listen like that, so we don’t have the muscles to listen to, not because it’s incredibly hard work. You just need to slow down and react. If it’s not organized well, you can ask the other person, ‘What does this mean?’
That’s what we have to listen to, because if we listen to it like that, my opponent will listen to me a little bit. More people than I thought would have listened to them if they had thrown a lot of words at them, but people never listen to someone who didn’t listen to them. If you are clearly saying something and people don’t remember it well, you should look back on how well you listened to your opponent before blaming him.
People expect their opponents to listen in their daily lives. However, a relationship that the other party listens to is not healthy, and that relationship never lasts. Do you really want to take time out of your daily life to meet someone whose life is tiring and who has to keep listening? However, there are not many people who listen to others well in our society, so ironically, people are easily attracted to those who listen to them well above average and open their ears and hearts to him.
Let’s think about each other more and try to be conscious of each other in our daily conversations. The existence of human beings is so strange that even if we make such efforts, we will be trying to attract dialogue centered on ourselves, unknowingly, in conversation. Nevertheless, we should make efforts to think more about and be conscious of our opponents because we should make such efforts so that we can realize it when we are not doing so, and we can adjust to the other side even a little bit more, and the other side will feel such efforts. Only when both of them make such efforts can a conversation take place in their daily lives.
Tired and difficult? If you are tired and difficult, the other person will be the same, but if you don’t do so, it means that the other person should be completely tailored to you. Wouldn’t it be harder to find selfish thoughts and minds than that? Conversations are about the two men stepping back and sticking out one step at a time. Conversations and relationships made at the expense of either party are neither healthy nor sustainable. No one can live like that unless he is born as a servant. No, isn’t it because even if you were born as a servant, you couldn’t do it, so there were various revolutions all over the world?
Opponents are as precious and meaningful as I am. Let’s try to remember it when we talk in our daily lives.