Daily life,recovery,mom.

There was something adults, especially my mother, often say to me. When I called my mother, complained of all kinds of complaints, and self-reflected about my life, she said, “You’re pooing in the back of the river.” What do you mean, where is the river and where is the river? My mom used to hang up when she said that.

I see my children grow up with flesh and blood. If you look, you can’t see the children growing up well. I can’t take a step forward if I’m faced with a machine-like movement in my repetitive life. You’re suddenly scared, and you’re surrounded by fear of “whether I’m going to end up in this state.” If you look back on your daily thoughts, it’s full of unproductive thoughts such as “What should I cook for you,” “When can he put the poop on the toilet,” and “I fed him too much snacks today, but he’s not going to be obese.” It is pitiful to see myself struggling with and holding onto things that are useless after today and tomorrow, and things that are not much after a year.

Where is the river that my mom told me about? Should I find the lakeside symmetrical with my mother’s life? Should I be a good wife who is self-sufficient and appreciative in comparison with the environment worse than I am? I think I’m living in the 2020s too much for that, and I think I’ve learned too much for that. A sigh came out. Does she really want me to enjoy satisfaction compared to your life?

In my daily life, I always seemed to be in place. It feels like I’m walking in the water floundering. Nothing changed, but my weight felt like it was getting bigger, so the power of water seemed to pull me harder. I don’t know where to start again, and when my head was spinning, the word “rationalization” rang in my head. Everyone has an instinct to protect themselves, and they want to rationalize themselves rather than objectify themselves and gain their validity within a safe fence. Perhaps my life - the life of parenting - is just around the corner of rationalization.

One of my friends is a mother who has to catch two rabbits working and raising children. After working nonstop and returning from work, she has to jump back into childcare, play the role of a housewife, and even if she leaves school, she has to do the work that she brought home. Every time I think of her, I wonder if I could do like her. If I were you, I’d have to say more than 10,000 times, and when I get home, I’d just cry out for a rest and rest proudly. You will see my bare face, which only makes you talk.

This is why my complaints and complaints are at a standstill. My daily routine is to be enveloped in emotions that seem to be in endless pain. If I don’t get through this time, I’ll continue to suffer from the same problem. It’s probably a parenting now, but there’s no guarantee that there’s no other mountain in life just by crossing this mountain! If I don’t face a bigger mountain, I’m glad that my parents and seniors live together.

I will pass this time, learn what I need to learn, climb over the mountains and grow up like children, so that I will not be easily swayed. Even though I’m a year older than last year, I’m still there, so I’m easily swayed by the situation and environment, and I’m a person who proudly rationalizes my feelings. The children are growing up and I’m stopped. The older you get, the more difficult it is to take a step. Nevertheless, choose. To live today without comparison with anyone, to live a day-to-day life that restores my daily routine.