I am also a writer, daily life, injury, love

I am a homebody who keeps small habits and values stable daily life.

People around me ask me, “What the hell do you do on weekends after work?” “Time flies when I lie down at home,” I answer.

But what am I really doing? Come to think of it, I often spend time alone, for myself, even if I don’t have frequent appointments.

Pilates twice a week, listening to daily news and audiobooks before bedtime, taking a bath on Sunday night, massage twice a month, picking books at bookstores, walking in parks, spending time at cafes, and Netflix.

Since when have I been enjoying my time alone like this?

In my second year of employment, I worked in Vietnam for a year under the company program. Before leaving, there was a lot of confidence in being able to do anything and expectations for a new experience to unfold. I never thought about the fear and loneliness of being alone. But after three months of honeymoon, I missed my mom and dad and missed chatting with my younger brother and friends while enjoying delicious food. Daytime went by quickly when I went to work, asked my boss and local employees about this and that, and learned from them. The problem is night, and weekend. At that time, I cried several times while making a video call with my boyfriend, and I ate two ramen noodles and drank alone. It was such a lonely time that I decided not to live far away from my family again. I still feel that way, but I guess I’ve learned to live alone without knowing it. He realized that even if he was in a mess, time would pass and a good day would come.

Recently I’ve been a bit excited riding on ‘some’ with someone. I felt excited waiting for Kakao Talk, phone call, and meeting. I thought about what to talk about, what to eat next time we meet, where to go. At the same time, I was worried at the same time. This feeling will be over one day, and he may disappear from my life tomorrow, so how can I overcome that futility and loneliness? Is it okay to be drunk at this moment without any countermeasures?

And worries have become a reality.

As usual, we kept in touch and arranged weekend appointments, but we lost contact with him after he said he was having a get-together on Friday night. On the day of the appointment, he didn’t answer the phone and didn’t read the Kakaotalk I sent him. I wonder if I lost my cell phone or if there’s a problem. But when I’m in my mid-30s, I don’t want to admit it, but I know what this means.

I’m trying to pull myself together. ‘Yes, it was just a month or two of excitement. I have to meet a diving person like this on the day of the appointment to get a vase. Good for you before you get deep. Let’s go back to my daily life.’

So how do I get back to my daily routine now?

I’m going to take a lower body bath at home and eat a lot of bread today like a rainy Sunday. I will find stories of people who have experienced separation with their whole bodies, such as “Sex and the City,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” and “Marriage Story,” and listen to the audiobook “Life is always a little bit different (Park Hee-ae and I)” at night to console me.

And tomorrow, I will go to work as usual and do my job. While attending meetings, writing reports and having lunch with colleagues.

As always. Let’s keep a set habit every day and spend our daily lives for me. Like it used to be, it’ll be fine this time soon.