Canada, brunch, daily life

I’ve been turning brunch off and on for a while. The reason why I haven’t written in a while was that I didn’t have to organize my mind as much in a good light, and in a bad way – as in many of my previous activities – was that I wasn’t that interested. As I was living in Canada, I never read brunch on my way to and from work, and since I haven’t written in Korean, I feel like my skills are rusting, so I don’t speak English or Korean. It’s okay. I have a webtoon.

Recent status. (Not really related to the point.)

Anyway, I came back to Korea after a year of studying abroad. I didn’t have to come back, but at the end of the semester, my new roommate was very nice, but I got a ticket because I was on the phone with my boyfriend for two to three hours in the morning and evening. I don’t know a single Chinese word, but I almost cheated on my boyfriend in a soundproof Canadian house. I’ve heard you grab it a few times…) Because I couldn’t tell if it was Canada or China or Korea… (Laughs) I got pretty depressed not going to school and not meeting people. Nevertheless, I was worried because my friend who lived a two-minute walk made food and brought it to me, and it was an environment where I could see Rocky in 30 minutes on foot. What if you come back and fight with your family? Something like this.

I’m doing really well now that I’m back in Korea, so I can’t help but worry about it. I rarely get stressed out, so I don’t bump into my family. When family members (=Call to the owner’s house) come to work, Dobby has been doing housework, taking classes, doing homework, and having dinner together when the family comes back. This has become such a happy routine. What does it mean when you wake up in the morning and have a stew cooked by your mother, you will understand roughly when you come back from a life of a share house that even saves fake kimchi. No matter how well my roommates do, it doesn’t give me the sense of security and comfort my younger brother gives me when he criticizes me harshly. (Laughing) The feeling that this is my home is really precious. Anyway, after returning to Korea in May, I have lived a life with nothing to complain about except for an “unstable future.” And that precarious future is now beginning to come realistically and make me sleep a little late at night.

Introduction. That I decide my life as the main ingredient.

I assure you, I have never made such a decision centered on my thoughts and feelings. Wouldn’t it be so if you were a Korean of my age? Luckily, I’ve seen people who have high self-esteem and make decisions with a lot of value for their taste and will, but that doesn’t happen often. Thinking that virtual “others” are cool, good, or right (this is the worst) has always been the basis for my decision until the end of my 20s. Of course, my taste was reflected, but such things were reflected in the final stage of choosing among the three things that others wanted based on. It was a small amount of condiment, not the main ingredient. For example, among the departments that you can go to famous universities selected by the CSAT score, you can choose the departments that you want to go to. Next, it was a well-known company selected by annual salary, and among the items selected by the brand, the ones that suit my taste. I belatedly realized that this was very wrong, and finally decided on my present life by risking my life.

There are so many options when you take others’ eyes off you. First of all, you don’t have to turn your eyes on a college with good academic background in the U.S. or be frustrated that you can’t pay for it. As long as I know that it’s okay for me to live in a small town and make a little money. It is luxurious in itself that I can feed myself now with my own power of the past. It’s a pity that there are options that I have that I can’t afford, but it comes with gratitude that I have options to choose from my terms. I think he would have been really angry that he didn’t have an option if he did it just because he had to. I went to Canada after such a time of mind-blowing agony. The Dutch were more attracted to my studies, but the insanity of the crazy winter in Europe and the lack of proper food that made this even more depressing made me go to Canada. And at least I was very satisfied with the reason why I chose Canada. Because I wore sunglasses and went to school in winter in a country where sweet and sour pork and bone stew are delivered. If I take a side road, it is a country where the difficulty level is low enough for immigrants to live so that they can think of permanent residency and study. This means that it is difficult to live, not that it is difficult to find a job.)

The point is, what scares me is,

He wanted to live a “voluntary life” like this, so he read “Why am I so lethargic” so hard. I read it by drawing a line, folding a book, and making a fuss. Modern people are depressed and helpless because they can’t live a voluntary life. We don’t really know what we want. If we have the courage to take responsibility for the life we choose, we can get out of this. I dreamed for a very long time the life that the book said I was ready. by the way

What I didn’t learn from the book is that the “responsibility for what I choose” that naturally follows when I live a voluntary life… is much bigger than I thought. The responsibility is not the effort or capital that I have to put into correcting it when something goes wrong. The fact that “what may go wrong” and “if something goes wrong, it is highly likely that something will go wrong” are the key elements that make up the responsibility. I’m not afraid of things going wrong in themselves. There was always a chance that things would go wrong. The scariest thing is that I’m the only one to blame when something goes wrong. Because everyone else lives like that, the excuse that no one next door has that, or at least because they have the value A that others want disappears. One of these excuses is that ‘sense of belonging’ is one of the things that people really need to live, so it is very powerful rationalization. So if something goes wrong and “I live like this, and nobody lives like this, and I don’t have anything,” becomes my final point, I realize that this situation will be a great disaster for me mentally, physically and economically.

To write it down, the remaining balance is divided into visible living expenses for a period of time, and to realize that there is more effort I have to make for my goal than I can do. How can there be one or two things like that? However, there are some countries that can help you if you get a job, but there are few countries that can help you if you quit your job at the age of 30 and get a bachelor’s degree. (Oh, come on…) I want to keep studying.)

The moment I chose my main ingredient, I was free from other people’s eyes and expectations, and I was able to focus entirely on my own motives, but instead, I was far away from the social safety net and psychological stability I received as a part of the “many others.” Didn’t you know this? Of course I knew. To sail alone out of this current, there will be so many obstacles to it. But in my imagination, my voyage was a great one-piece route, not Haeundae Ian.

CONCLUSION. Still, I don’t want to be discouraged.

Hopefully, that doesn’t make me want to close this voyage. Surprisingly, there is one advantage that corresponds to the shortcomings of this life. It’s that I’m holding the key. The advantages and disadvantages of this life are the same. Being the only one to blame is usually a great advantage. If it’s a calm wave on a windy day, it’s a tremendous happiness to be enjoying all this by myself, by my own power, thanks to me. I feel like I’m going to a 100,000 won buffet, living a life of one piece of beef, and living a life where a 1,500 won sweet red bean bread is completely mine. More valuable because I got it. This is why I wonder if this is why people who do business keep challenging themselves even if they fail. I don’t want to go back to the ship where there are many others in and settle for the occasional sunlight and the occasional “I got on this ship!” mind that I don’t want to go back to that ship. Because lying on my stomach can get sunshine. Though the belly is small.

If I have to write down red bean bread and sunlight again, it’s like that for me. glistening eyes as they get to know one by one from another without connection Like letters, food and gifts that they give me with all their heart. You’re doing great with your professor’s email! When the word is in it. When I was able to work in the rap that I wanted, when my grades in the subject that seemed to be ruined in the beginning went up in the second half and I ended up getting good results. The road to Banff, the snow-covered mountains that cover your eyes as soon as you get out of town. I can communicate with my family in my happiest state. This has been a great happiness for me for the last 10 months. Because I got it entirely by living in the way I wanted it to be.

Walking a tightrope between this happiness and anxiety means “living the time I wanted” to me, who is 30 years old. I’m glad that even anxiety is my choice and I can carry it. I used to write briefly on brunch, but I was originally quite a happy person when I turned off my suitcase in the rain. It was because I thought I could take full responsibility for myself that I could live as much as I could bear. That’s exactly what it is now. I think controlling anxiety so that it doesn’t get too heavy is the key point in living this life. I didn’t know that, but I realize it by writing it like this. But seeing that one piece of writing has made my burden quite big. From July, I am planning to study GRE while listening to Canadian lectures while working in rap in Korea and Australia, but I fully acknowledge my anxiety because I think writing is crazy. It’ll only need two months to boil it down. Fighting in my life. Hahaha