Gambling, ADHD, daily life

Mom often said that I was under a lot of stress from my dad’s gambling problems when I was in the stomach. My dad still hasn’t been able to get out of gambling. Am I having ADHD symptoms because I felt my mom’s stress when I was in my stomach? Or is it because my dad has ADHD while he’s not going to the hospital? Sometimes I think about the reason.

When I was young, I often lost money and things by putting them in a place without organizing them. And there were so many times that at one point it didn’t matter. Things are often lost and floundering age, but mom’s nagging and criticism are still lingering. I wasn’t even recognized for my hair, and I became a target of criticism. I’ve often wanted to yell at my hair.

‘Why are you so into it that it’s giving me a hard time?’

advancing child

I was so careless when I recalled my childhood. On the day of the sixth grade elementary school sports day, I was so glad to see my mother standing in front of the school entrance that I rushed to my mother without looking around. But the iron pipe flag ran fiercely and hit my nose. It was so tingling and the double nosebleeds were dripping down. I was more frightened by the dripping blood than by the pain, and my mother ran over to see me.

Fortunately, an X-ray showed that my nose was not broken, but my nose became a hooked nose after that day.

Such a thing was never done. One time, I was in the second year of middle school when I was dressed up. Canmoa in downtown was one of the places I often went with my friends.  While I was playing there, my dad called me to give me some pocket money, saying it was nearby, and I ran out of joy and fell on the wheels of my car.

The driver got off in surprise.

“Is he all right?”

I answered.

“Yes, I’m fine.”

I was so surprised that I didn’t feel the pain well. But as soon as I heard that, the driver left without giving me his contact number. Of course, it can’t happen now and can be seen as a hit-and-run. At that time, knowing the fact, the parents shouted.

“Are you out of your mind? You should have at least gotten your number. Why did you say you were stupid?”

I was so sad. What I wanted to hear wasn’t that difficult…

‘You were very sick and surprised, right?’

I desperately needed that one word.

I was very careless and my parents didn’t hesitate to scold and criticize me like that. The more I did, the smaller I became and atrophied.

“I’ve done a lot wrong.”

The frustration and disappointment and anger of myself that come from not being able to satisfy my parents often permeated me.

Especially when I was young enough to meet my mother who had a strong desire for control.