Daily life, loneliness, housewife

Sometimes I feel like I’m left alone in the world. The husband, who was able to see his face for a while every evening, is now in another country, 3000 km away. Sometimes, only the life or death is confirmed with the mobile phone video. Although it may be painful, it cannot erase the feeling of being separated from each other’s daily life. I knew that if I was in Korea, I would be able to see my friends often, but due to the corona, it is not easy to see the face once due to the life of each person. There was a time when I was constantly talking to KakaoTalk, but now I hesitate for a long time before sending the talk and then stop. I wonder if it might interfere with them living busy lives. I thought I was close to loneliness and loneliness because of my introverted nature of enjoying alone time, but looking back, it seems that I had never been alone in my twenties. There was a time when I lamented that I was lonely, but I was mainly worried about dating, and there were many people who would listen to my grievances. I had a friend who would run with just one phone call, and my mom was waiting at home, wondering about my daily routine. But now I am just alone. It’s a feeling of swallowing up the stiff daily life. I want to talk about the Netflix drama I enjoyed today, I want to talk about lunch that I ate deliciously by myself, and I want to talk about a child who is crazy and lovable, but doesn’t listen to words, but there is no one to share. When the emotion becomes more excessive, I may write a few characters on Instagram, but it also seems to be good and it is quickly erased. Then I suddenly wonder. Maybe everyone is similar, isn’t it? How do I solve this feeling, this loneliness, and live? Recently, I watched the movie “The Upcoming Things”. The main character, a middle-aged woman, is a teacher who teaches philosophy at school. When he believes he is living a normal but inadequate life, the husband confesses to an affair and leaves the house. Even though she was overthrown, the publication of a new book was canceled, and even her mother, who was looking for her day and night, died. The children have already been away from her. She frustrates, shakes, and feels lonely, but, as always, she teaches her philosophy in the classroom and silently lives her everyday life. For her, philosophy must have been the force to endure life. As I watched the movie, I thought I needed it that way. As a housewife, she spends a lot of time alone. In fact, I am grateful for the existence of a thin and friendly husband and a close friend, but it may not be important. In the end, I am alone with my life. I want to live a full daily life even by myself. Until I wake up in the morning and fall asleep at night, hoping for something that makes me endure my daily routine. It could be a philosophy like the main character of a movie, or it could be a hobby for someone, a dog, or a plant. Maybe I could be able to read and write books? When I’m living in such a hard everyday life, if someone comes near me, I’ll be able to give you a wider and more cozy side than now.