Pregnancy, everyday, spring

French Toast Making

I do not like cooking. Because I’m bothered by the act of eating-I often eat it for survival-I’m also really annoyed with cooking. Then I suddenly wanted to cook and made French toast. Break two eggs into a stainless bowl, pour two spoons of milk, add a sesspoon of sugar, beat the two round yolks in the bowl with a spoon, and stir vigorously. The sound of the stainless bowl and spoon bumping lightly fills the kitchen. Take out the newly bought bread and cut it into a triangle shape, and cut the edges carefully. Dip the white bread cut into triangles in well-mixed egg sugar water, and the white bread turns yellow. Turn on the heat, and when the frying pan is hot, add two pieces of butter. A fragrant smell of butter spreads all over the place with a chirping sound. When you put the moist, egg-soaked bread in a frying pan, you hear a pleasing sound. When the bread is being baked in a savory way, open the refrigerator and take out the milk and pour it into a squeezed glass. The glass is filled with pure white milk, and it feels good to hear the crackling sound. Take the well-baked bread with a fork and bring it into your mouth. The fluffy French toast is sweet. Put it in your husband’s mouth.

The day when cooking, which was usually annoying, became a healing. When I entered the middle of pregnancy, I was able to cook, and my life became easier.

Lucky baby

“I guess the baby is a luck.” At my mother’s words, I realized it was. I did not want to be deprived of the initiative of my life or to unite me with my baby, so I intentionally refrained from saying’Baby is a luck’ or’Thanks to the baby, it is well resolved’. Even if I have a baby, I take the initiative in my life, and I hate to think that it was all the result of what I did independently and that it was good because of the baby. However, while talking on the phone with my mother, I realized that everything is thanks to my child when I talked about’I feel like my body is getting healthier, I feel better and sleep well’. Since I was pregnant, I was trying to eat something good, and I almost quit eating sweets and snacks. Originally, I had insomnia, but I think the baby will grow well when I sleep well, so I try to sleep early and avoid factors that interfere with sleep. When it comes time to exercise, I keep exercising for an hour. What was difficult to continue with only my will before pregnancy, thanks to my child, continues. Thank you my baby.

I thought I didn’t love me very much, but after I got pregnant, I realized that I was really terribly in love with me and I love you. While talking with my husband before pregnancy, I was fortunate to say,‘I am afraid that all my freedoms will disappear if I am pregnant and giving birth.’ They are worried and fear that they will not be able to go to the concert of their favorite singer four months after giving birth. When I think of traveling after childbirth, of course, I think that I should leave the baby to my parents and go with my husband, and even after giving birth, I think that I should sometimes leave the baby to my husband and take my time. Would this mind change if you give birth and raise your child? I don’t know yet. I want to value myself more than my child. Is it an immature thought?

Replaceable existence

“Sam, the third person has already quit.” I heard that it has been six months since I quit my company, and three people who came to my replacement had quit. It was a company that had deep affection since I had been working at my first job for about 4 years, but the news made me think that I could have quit the company enough. That the company I’ve been around for a long time -and that I would still continue to go to it today if I hadn’t moved to it- is that the company will not be a company that will last long for others, that someone can only quit after working for a month in the place where I worked for 4 years, and the salary that I was satisfied with It was said that he was small and didn’t join the company… It was a feeling of facing the fact that he had never thought about it and turned it away. After that, I went there with satisfaction, but I wonder how I did it all, why I worked so hard, and I don’t want to go back. This place where I am now will be replaced very easily if I quit. What should I do my whole life? One of my goals was to become a’unreplaceable human’ from childhood. At thirty years old, I am doing something so easy to replace. If I get the position of mom, can I not be replaced? How does it feel to face a child who only needs me? It’s fluttering and scary.

When you like to work

Since the first company was a new division, I created many systems. File tree, work manuals, many files, etc… So, the company I came from was very frustrated. Because of the frequent change of predecessors, the file organization was messed up, work was going without a system, and time was wasted doing trivial tasks that the department manager would not have to do. After trying to get used to the organization for months, I started to insist on my way of working. It created shared folders, suggested sharing all of the employee’s data, computerized files that were handwritten, created work manuals, reorganized the file tree to make it easier to find, and brought in a few things that employees could only be in charge of. After several years of writing the official letter, the manager was in charge of it, and my name started to be written at the bottom of the letter. The three letters of my name are only small inscribed on the document, and it was a moment when I felt a new sense of responsibility and recognition. It’s a small organization, so it’s nice to be able to accept my opinions and improve the inconvenience. “I’m very sensitive and hysterical in nature, but I’ve been very stable with my teacher. In the past, I just screamed, but I’m comfortable with that.” “Sam came and it became easier for me to work.” I was grateful for the manager’s words. When I asked my predecessor why he was leaving, I was worried because he was stressed out by the manager, so he quit, but as I gradually became familiar with the manager and became more comfortable with it. It’s nice that the manager and I fit well, and the time to chat with the manager is fun. The manager said that I was comfortable with me, so I am very grateful. It is a joy and gratitude to be able to positively influence anyone. I, who had been like a stranger in this city for quite some time after moving, thank you for the company and colleagues who made me become a city dweller. These days, I’m really grateful for having a company.

Ordinary life

After lunch, I always go up to the rooftop. The rooftop, where no one comes, is full of green sprouts and March sunshine. I walk and sit in the sun. Spring, which seemed unlikely to come, is coming. My favorite time at work. These days it feels like going to work for a walk. Walk in the sun while listening to your favorite songs for 20 minutes or 30 minutes. The warm sunlight and cold breeze blend in, and the clear sky spreads out. The flowers that were preparing to burst in several places in early March are showing off their beautiful colors at the end of March. Even if no one has taught me to sprout, bloom, and bear fruit, just as they do according to their instincts, my child does the work of dividing cells, growing bones, and filling up on his own. I wish the spring I love lasts for a long time.

Around 9 o’clock to 10 o’clock, all the lights in the living room are turned off and a yoga video is played to begin yoga. The scenery outside the window, which I thought was desolate because I only had an apartment, becomes pretty cool at night. Behind the white and thin curtain, the lights in the apartment shine like a star. The yellow and white incandescent lights look like stars. Houses where someone you don’t know can rest comfortably create a plausible landscape. My body, which had been hard all day, is relaxed, and my heart is beating. Nice scenery, comfortable voice, yoga to relieve stiff body, and then to a shower in warm water. A time where I can concentrate on my body and the baby in my body without any thoughts. I am not able to do much prenatal education, but thanks to yoga, I feel like I am doing well, keeping my body healthy and prenatal. My favorite time in my normal daily life, where company-home repetition is all because of corona. All I want these days is that I want this peace of mine to last for a long time during my pregnancy and I want to meet my child in good health. It is a very happy thing to be satisfied with the ordinary life now and to look forward to the future to come. It is all thanks to the child that I was able to think like this, which was tired of day by day. My dear baby, thank you so much for coming to me with a lot of deficiencies.

Around the 18th week, I started to feel the birth. When I am in a comfortable posture and a comfortable mind, my child wriggles. I can’t see it, but my child is growing. A long time ago, when I saw my growth stop, wrinkles, I felt that only aging was left, a new change is made thanks to my child. These days I resemble the vitality of spring. When the spring flowers fall and the summer leaves grow lush, you will meet your child. The 10 months of pregnancy that I thought would be short is very long. A day to meet a child that is more awaited than any other day.