Anger, everyday, heart
I woke up in the morning and found a video of meditation. Focus on your breathing for 10 minutes and clear your mind.
At the end, in meditation, the guide told me what he would pledge to me today, so I spit out in a second, ‘Please don’t get angry easily’ without hesitation.
The way I find meditation, which I am not good at usually, concentrate on breathing, and refine my mind, may seem like a person who trains the mind or improves the spirit.
Why do I want to do this all of a sudden…
It’s a preparatory ritual to prepare for today’s day with two children who will happen in a while….
Because my little sick corona 19 is none other than the thing turned into infernal rather than my little dear - why is the map of my routine that begins with a cry of rage potential -
The stress index has long since pierced the sky.
I’m a person with a lot of patience, and a person who is very patient with anger, and I don’t have a style of yelling out when I’m angry, but a style that speaks to each other.
It’s the incarnation of anger going crazy…
I feel like I’m really crazy.
I am crazy as I am and the kids are crazy as they are, and this routine is already for 5 months.
Since the winter vacation on December 27 last year, I have been spending my time only at home for 5 months.
There is no prison life like this.
All my time, all Freedom now leaves only longing.
Even children who were docile get involved in their minds and bodies with stress.
The energy that couldn’t reach outside began to collide in the house, reconciling in a fight, crying, nagging… and repeating every day. Suddenly, this appearance became a new routine and repeated, and that day became that day.
As such, the daily routine is even, the journey continues to repeat in 5 months, and boredom seems endless.
You have to wash, feed, study, do housework, feed, and play in the middle. You have to go shopping in your spare time, throw away the trash quickly, and clean the rough toilet. They feed again and clean up, and then suddenly sadness comes and sits down on the floor and laments.
I said this to my child yesterday.
‘This is a long-term battle, and it doesn’t end soon… I hate fighting with you over and over again-I know it’s hard too, but I’m equally hard. Mom is also very tired. My mom doesn’t feel good as she keeps nagging you again in the midst of exhaustion. I hate it because you keep nagging. It’s not that my mom doesn’t love me, but nowadays, it hurts me because my mom keeps saying things I hate. So my mom is upset too.
So take care of what you have to keep in the house. That’s how we help each other. Then I won’t be nagging and you’ll be less upset…’
Somehow, don’t do it simply-say it, but it should end with, but I’m on the long side, so it gets longer and longer.
I don’t know how much I would have understood my mind.
Did you know that even if I only understood 10% if it wasn’t 100, I didn’t lose my love for you in my anger?
When I get angry, my mom hates me, and the children who get angry again because of hating….
It hurts because anger produces anger…
I wonder if the words spoken to the child were somehow the voices were spoken to myself. Maybe I’m beating myself for hitting me to wake up.
It’s difficult to get the whole heart in mind, but I live with a little bit of hope because I believe that all this will pass at any time.
Even if it wasn’t as normal as it used to be, maybe there’s even a little joy that you’ve gotten used to and rediscovered there…
It’s hard for me to hang out with the kids every day, but as the kids grow up, there wasn’t always a time when I was stuck like Siamese twins for such a long time.
If I think about the good side and hold my heart, my anger won’t hold up anymore, and how will my anger get smaller…