Sewol, Everyday

Before, because people frequently write articles with me, I have tried writing articles several times. However, it didn’t work out either. I have never studied writing separately, and in the case of novels, I had to come up with a number of stories, but there was no talent for that. Then one day, while reading the poems of poets such as Jin Eun-young and Shim Bo-seon, I wondered if there was a’poetic talent’, and a few years ago there was a small cultural center in Shinchon. In this case, the stiffness has rarely taken an initiation class organized by the poet. Of course, listening to a poet’s poem class, which I normally liked, was a very enjoyable thing on its own, but unfortunately, I once again realized that I had no talent for “creating” through that class.

At one time in class, I had a time to express’solitude’, and when all the other students said things like “a blue eyed one living alone in a foggy forest,” I was alone like “Iphone in a place where Wi-Fi is not available.” In some cases, the pupils of everyone sitting in the classroom were enlarged at once. So, during class, the poet always had to do the hard work of explaining to me how to speak in poetic language.

As a result, to what extent it worked, the poet praised me at the end of the class by seeing a study poem on the subject of “Write a Poem That Expresses Me” and saying, “Good. It has increased a lot. Some sentences are now greedy.” Gave. At the same time, the poet clearly shows me what kind of talent, but I’m not sure if it is a poetic talent or not. However, the style is honest and unique. So, I asked how about continuing to write in the future. But then I laughed at the poet’s words and said, “No, I’ll just write a journal in the future.” did. I couldn’t even imagine that in the future, not far from him, I would write and live like this.

The sentence the poet praised at that time was this. “I am like a fisherman who dumps mackerel to catch Dageumbari for a lifetime.”

I was sincere and sincere. Yes. As I said several times before, after experiencing dramatic death at a young age, I couldn’t have a lot of fun in my future life. As it is, I lived by pouring all my young days on the road. Is that all that, at that time when it wasn’t easy to go out to play, I locked me up, punished me, and lived.

And unfortunately, it is relatively recent that I came to think of ‘I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t have to’.

However, through that time, I also realized the completely contradictory minds within me. This is the fact that I want to die so much that I really want to live. So, my consciousness, i.e., my thoughts, said that I wanted to continue to die, but my unconscious instinct wanted to live with all my strength. For example, when I live on the 3rd floor of an apartment, it is high, but when I live, I feel like I’m going to throw myself out of the window after opening the window. I fell out and went into the room again.

Since then, the person’s body is not very distressing, and there is a fear of accusations that has not existed before, and these days it is not going well. That’s all, I couldn’t live another day, so I woke up even at night when I fell asleep, but I found a fire extinguishing agent without my eyes open and put it in my mouth. I wanted to die, but I couldn’t stand it, or I woke up even while I was sleeping, found the medicine, and took my hand out. And then I realized it. Ah, I really want to live.

From then on, I decided to “live” in earnest. Around this time, it will probably match the time I was in my verse. At that time, my friends around the country looked at me with a face that they couldn’t understand me, carrying backpacks around the temples across the country every weekend.

Anyway, at that time, I was a hundred and eight times every morning. Also, in the past, when I was hungry, I used to eat anything roughly, but from then on, I started cooking myself with my own hands. At first, everything was messed up, but it was done until something happened. So, these days, they are also stiff and steamed ribs. Once I took care of what I was eating like that, my body first improved, and since my body got better, I didn’t feel as bad as before. (Of course, I didn’t forget about the psyche and treatment), so I learned my daily routine one by one again.

At that time, I started with my crazy personal relationships. Regardless of whether you are older or younger than me, or whether you’ve known it for a long time or not, all of the relationships I met with my side have been organized. Whether it’s family or relatives, it doesn’t matter. Speaking of which, from that time on, I had chosen ‘I’ who wanted to be recognized by others and wanted to be less stressed out of the relationship.

Instead, they created new surroundings with people who could meet with smiles and break up with their hands. From this time on, I also attended local reading and discussion groups. At the same time, I was interested in talking about the same incidents with people of different ages, genders, and things I did, and later on, I started podcasting with this work. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances of the members, I was only able to do 20 episodes

Anyway, having been doing this certainly has reduced a lot of troublesome things. Also, from this time on, I worked hard to wipe out the space I stayed in every day. In the past, the curtains that I had accidentally washed out once in a while were also washed cleanly every season, and the space where I stayed from my desk to my bed was neatly arranged. Whenever the clothes in the closet were changed, they were thinned out, leaving only a minimum of them, and the remaining clothes neatly folded up to one pair of socks with their ears. Then, even though I was alone in the fired house for a long time, it was no longer as painful as before. Rather, it was crowded, but I felt like I wanted to go home quickly because my mind was fierce.

So, even nowadays, if any of the people around me say that it is painful and overwhelming, I am unconditionally calling out and feeding rice. If you sit at a table where warm rice and soup are carefully prepared, no matter how difficult it is to buy, you can see the sex of the person who has it, and you will forget about the hardships of your life even for a moment while eating rice. So, even nowadays, I call my friends and often eat rice. The reason is that I am so comforted. This is because I learned the happiness of sharing delicious food with my family, as well as my sisters, my godmother, and my favorite senior and junior friends and talking about Dorando.

I learned how to live in this way and learned it one by one again. I mean. No matter how much I learn, I have one heart that I don’t know. That is the heart of parents who give birth to and raise children. In fact, it’s embarrassing, but even when a colleague at the same company shows me an ultrasound picture and wants to congratulate you on the fact that you are pregnant, I’ll be busy and die. My wife is having a hard time seeing her baby alone, but if she said she was drinking alcohol here, she even smoked rice to go home right now.

As I lived, I don’t know anything else, but what I bought after saying these things left me with regrets in the corner of my heart. So I decided to study their minds. In other words, it means trying to figure out the hearts of ordinary people who form a normal family at my age. Since then, I have been working harder than before to serve in a nursery where I can carry and take care of my child. Even so, it was because I wanted to understand the hearts of others. That way, there will be no more mistakes in the future, and it will be possible to live.

Unfortunately, although I have been in and out of the nursery for quite some time since then, I still do not know the minds of my parents. Well, how do you know the feelings of seeing the life I gave and nurtured in my heart breathe, laugh, and cry alone, who haven’t even tried to raise one cat in my bosom? If you know, that would be a lie, so all I can do is close my eyes and count their hearts. That’s all.

I do not know. I don’t know those nights when the children who left the house laughing at a school trip on a sunny spring day don’t come back. In addition, I don’t know what a parent who has lost a child in an unexpected accident will feel when looking at their younger peers. So I am in trouble. This is because I am regretful that if I knew that heart well, I would write more about this ridiculous tragedy.

Therefore, I am thinking of writing a message for the 18 children who were on the boat at the time, as I originally decided to write this article, covering up the feelings of parents who could not even guess in the future. I don’t know if the children are living and going through difficult times like me, so even if it was a coincidence, these articles I wrote might be comforting.