Mom, everyday, love

This morning was toast. My son made fried eggs and I baked bread. Even apple jam and butter are evenly applied and eaten with milk. thank God. Yesterday evening, I ate tomato spaghetti, and he said, “This noodles is really good.” No matter how much I recommended it because I hated it, it was a tomato that I haven’t eaten in my life, but when I ate spaghetti noodles topped with tomato sauce like bibim noodles, the children didn’t say anything more and laughed. Even if you say to grandma a few times, it’s spaghetti, it’s noodles. Mom eats everything right now and responds positively to anything. There is a time of reassurance and joy of the person who prepared the meal.

Looking back on the few days my family and mother have been together, unlike before, I have never been irritated or irritated, and I am admired that. It may be because it is only six days, but how can this tranquility be possible? wonder. I’m looking for it, but maybe it’s because my mother has changed and me has changed. It seems that it is because we are following the principle of changing people, and when they must change, they must change.

For a mother who was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago, there was nothing practical that a daughter who lived in Daejeon and raised sons and daughters could help. I was deeply grateful for my mother’s love, and I felt a lot of regret for the despair that the sky was falling and the stupidity that I couldn’t recognize my illness any faster. Most of the work to help my mother was with my eldest brother who lived with me, and for me, it was only to call more often, visit Andong more often, and bring me home for several days during summer and winter vacations. However, there were many times when the beginning was grand but the end was weak. Conflicts arose when I had to clean, wash the dishes, or take a shower, and when I look back at my words and actions, I feel embarrassed.

Even then, my mother didn’t stay still for a while. I kept cleaning here and there, and arranged it in a mother’s way. I hated anything different from my own way, and I hated the appearance of my mother at work. He said he knew it a few times, but he got mad at me when it repeated. I do it on my own, why? He’s been in the kitchen for a while, touching the finished dishwasher again and moving it back and forth. Even though I told him not to do that, I wouldn’t hurt my heart, my mom used to pack up, saying, “I’m nagging a lot, if you’re going to do this, I’ll go home.” I just skipped it a few times, but if I kept saying “go” again, I also said, “Yes, go.” So narrow inside. Like someone who has never thought of rationality about why such a situation occurs. As a habit, my mother was doing cleaning and washing dishes, and even though she was a daughter in the work of making her self-esteem, she hated it because it would sound nagging.

People suffering from dementia have a hard time adjusting to a new environment or making judgments that are appropriate for the situation. He tries to do what he always did before the dementia test. He doesn’t realize that this is not Andong’s house, but his daughter’s house, and he can’t actively think that the difference between his cleaning method and his cleaning method will cause problems. It was up to me to recognize it quickly and to be able to make rational judgments while attending my mother, even if her activities made me uncomfortable. Even if you study about the situation and dementia, and even if you are proud of knowing it, the hard thing is to take care of one’s own mind and to consider and empathize with the surroundings. I was then. So, the more I think about it, the deeper, wider, and great the inside of my brother who did his best to live with his mother every day. Yet again, how hard was it? This is the time when your brother’s heart also needs care.

Although it is said that the mother’s progress is slow, there are some things to help her by relaxing her mind with self-talk and stabilizing the brain and nerves with medicine, but the disease is progressing. During the days of my life, I should be able to ask and listen to the many upsetting feelings that have accumulated in my mother’s heart. When you meet those moments where memories are mixed up, your family should be able to do something that can hug you with support and encouragement for good things and endless empathy for things that were unfair and upset. I believe that when I learn even if it is difficult, and do my best in what I can, apart from the area of ​​the attending physician and medicine, my mother’s anger and irritation can be reduced and the ups and downs of emotional changes can be reduced. Here, the mother’s good character will also slow the progression of the disease. But it is not easy. Right now, when I go to work, all of this will change. I told you to do it when you can, so I’ll be grateful for the time I can be with you here and now.

“Would you like to sit down while you eat grandma?” did. My son, how fast he was to eat from the time he was born, and if he still remembers, it’s a joyful thing to tears when he went into the nursing room with his mouth wide open saying he would suck his mother’s breasts. When it comes to eating growing up, it was second to none. After eating until full, stop eating without hesitation. It was really judgment-driven. Not only does she have no worries about ‘Should I eat more or not?’ She has no worries about ‘Should I live or not?’ I have the ability to decide “immediately” and “quickly” as I see it and as it feels, and to do it whether I buy it or not, whether I do it or not, eat it or not, so sometimes I also envy my son. However, just like those who make decisions quickly and practice it quickly, the son has a hard time ‘waiting’ and is not good at it. When we go out to eat, our son, who has finished eating first, draws coffee even if there are a few spoons of us left. I think there is a big reason why I can’t sit down and wait, but I know that I also want to play my part by serving coffee to adults. If you think about it, this morning, how many people have an attitude that can be with you until the end of the meal, I wished my son that.

The son sat down next to his grandmother again while trying to enter the room. There are still a few pieces of toast left, ‘If you eat all that, I can wake up, so that I can see the video.’ Still pretty. I sit back. He picks up a piece of toast on a plate and puts it in Grandma’s mouth. First, I saw the scene by dipping the emptied dishes in the dishwasher, and I missed it. “Wooah, grandmother chews slowly. It’s uncomfortable because there are few teeth. You can’t put it in a hurry.” “I know.” Even so, as when eating her own meal, as if putting a bite in her mouth and scooping it into a spoon, the hand holding another piece of toast waits right in front of the mouth of the grandmother who started to chew. Then I put it in again, scary to swallow. So I said again. “Wow, slowly.”

One of the things my son struggles with is’waiting’. If there is anything I can do to help me as a mother in the future, it will be to help me have this attitude. Waiting is also possible with practice.

My son, who has strong self-esteem and has a strong belief that he can do everything himself, likes to cook at some point, so he helps me prepare food or prepare ingredients for every meal these days during the vacation. She spills rice, spills soup, and drops eggs in an impatient manner, but keeps doing it. And surprisingly, it’s getting better and better.

Cooking is a joy and a sense of accomplishment to complete, but you learn many attitudes in the process. One of them is waiting. While grilling the egg for toast in the morning, wait until the back side of the egg poured into the frying pan is cooked through the process of unpacking the egg in a bowl and stirring. He was the son who took out the pieces using the corners of the flippers, turned them over and cooked them evenly on the front and the back, and served toast eggs on a plate.

I talked twice and didn’t do it any more. The grandmother who slowly chews and passes over waits for the speed. It was wonderful. She took her finished grandmother and asked her to brush her teeth. Then she put her arms in her arms and walked slowly to the grandmother walking, and went to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and said, “Grandmother doesn’t have a lot of teeth.” do. When I said thank you, I smiled and opened my grandmother’s picture book and went into the room.

My mother sitting next to me, who started writing, begins to praise Jane as she alternately paints the leaves with green and blue colored pencils.

“Jane is also very different… If you leave it alone, it will grow as well as they will…”

A daughter who couldn’t even put it in her eyes gave birth to a son, and the grandson was slow to speak, so it seems that it was the morning that reminded me of those days when she was more worried than her daughter.

“Then, Mom, Jane is the best.”

Even today, mom seems to be filling up the paintings and the day with colorful colors.

Thursday, February 27, 2020