The day I want to be distracted
Strangely, the alcohol kept going. Feeling too much responsible for my actions, I kept emptying my glasses without thinking. As I couldn’t know if I was drinking or if I was drinking myself, I gradually became distracted.
How difficult it is to stay fit. On such a day, I lose myself, not disorganized according to my wishes. On the days I don’t want to see myself and when I want to let go of myself even though I know I’ll blame myself for a day that disappears, I look for alcohol again.
There are days I want to get drunk. When it shouldn’t be okay, but when you can’t stand by yourself, who is doing well.
Strangely enough, if I dream of such a peaceful life and the boring days without ups and downs of emotions repeat, I think I can do something crazy. How contradictory to say that it is a time to get out of the daily routine for living. I often need a deviation for that contradictory routine.
Looking at the ashes that have already been burned, he looks at the embers. I light a fire saying I want to feel the warmth. Put anything you can burn. I just wanted to feel the warmth, but the fire is burning. I wonder why the fire was turned on when I see myself anxious that the fire will not move.
When you face yourself at the bottom of your emotions, you want to hide where no one is. Why do the moments I don’t want to remember remain so clear even in the cloudy memories? My friend told me when I felt pathetic and suffered. “If you know, people have nothing to see. They’re all there.”
Rather than saying “Don’t be pathetic” or “You’re not that kind of person,” I don’t know how much the words “Everyone is living that way.” That no one can shine every moment. As if the day ends with light and darkness, we will meet a lot of light and a lot of darkness. There will be lives and moments that you want to hide from everyone.
All of this happened because I tried to struggle. You don’t have to burn your boredom somehow and try to get out of it, and you don’t have to struggle too hard at every moment. Seeing yourself in a mess, I promise to wake up. “Let’s not try.”